1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:07,919 @ - In 1997, MI5's top agents gathered in Thames House 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,719 for a secret meeting. 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,359 This is that meeting. 4 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,879 Director, Prince Andrew is here for his briefing. 5 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,399 Your Majesty, thank you. 6 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,439 I came as soon as I could. 7 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,039 Thank you, Your Majesty. 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,399 We appreciate that with the recent passing of Diana, 9 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,839 this is a difficult time for the family. 10 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,719 She was such a beautiful woman. 11 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,519 Prince Andrew, no one knows better than us how charming, 12 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:50,679 capable, fiercely intelligent and morally upstanding you are. 13 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,199 You are a credit to princes everywhere. 14 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,559 You're too kind. 15 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,359 Since the death of Diana, the public 16 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,999 have turned on Prince Charles. 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,479 But still, one day, he will be king. 18 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,319 We need to make him look good. 19 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,119 There's no easy way to say this, Your Highness. 20 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,879 We have deduced that the only way 21 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,479 to increase the likability of our future king 22 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,200 is to decrease the likability of everyone around him. 23 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,079 I see. 24 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,359 Well, I love my brother, I love my country, 25 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,759 and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 26 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,239 We hoped you'd say that. 27 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:30,599 We have prepared a 29-year plan 28 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,879 to slowly but surely make the entire 29 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,919 country think you are a-- 30 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,640 Well, have a little read. 31 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,040 Huh. 32 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:50,119 It's, uh-- 33 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,759 Huh. 34 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,279 We're aware it's a lot. 35 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,599 And you actually want me to do all of this stuff? 36 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,639 Sadly, yes. 37 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,719 Even the part about befriending 38 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,759 a notorious pedophile? 39 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:06,039 That's an important part of it, yeah. 40 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,839 Before and after he's convicted. 41 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:09,839 Right, OK. 42 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,119 Of course. 43 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,239 And there's absolutely no other way 44 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,639 to make my brother look good? 45 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,439 We'll we're also going to push 46 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:19,319 an environmental angle for him, but it will be half-assed. 47 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,239 This all seems very high risk. 48 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,359 God, I'm sweating. 49 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,599 Of course you are, Andrew. 50 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,679 Of course you are. 51 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,239 But surely you can't make everyone 52 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,519 around Charles unlikable. 53 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:32,959 I mean, what about William? 54 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,679 He's so handsome. 55 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,200 We're seeing to that. 56 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,599 And Harry? 57 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,799 He's going to marry a woman 98% of the UK public 58 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:48,519 will find it impossible to have a normal conversation about. 59 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,039 Oh, heavens. 60 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,319 I'm afraid this will kill Mummy when the news comes out. 61 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,599 Turn to page 72. 62 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:54,600 It will. 63 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,759 Gosh, I'm afraid of doing this alone. 64 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,759 Isn't there anyone in government who can 65 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,279 go on this journey with me? 66 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,280 Send in Agent Mandelson. 67 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,599 Gentlemen. 68 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,439 Peter Mandelson, the most honorable, 69 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,799 ethical politician we have. 70 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,599 No one will believe he's corruptible. 71 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,199 I'm sorry, Andrew. 72 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,159 The responsibility on our shoulders 73 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,479 is more than any man can bear. 74 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,639 And are people going to think you did all this stuff? 75 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,759 Kind of. 76 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,959 Well, for Britain, I'm in. 77 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,039 I'm in too. 78 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,159 Fergie? 79 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,039 Sorry I'm late. 80 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,039 What do you need? 81 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,119 Nothing, Fergie. 82 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,600 You've done so much already. 83 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,199 What's she doing here? 84 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,799 We got divorced a year ago. 85 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,399 Agent Ferguson has been on the payroll since '86. 86 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,039 You wouldn't believe how good she's made you 87 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,839 guys look by comparison. 88 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:02,719 I know, and I know I can do more, go further, be more odd. 89 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,759 I could drop more nudes, suck more toes, 90 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,000 make my walk even weirder. 91 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,999 The one thing that might help is 92 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,119 if you stay by Andrew's side. 93 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,039 Live with him without explanation 94 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,679 for the next 29 years. 95 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:25,039 Sure, I was going to do that anyway. 96 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,039 And remember, Your Highness, if you're ever in too deep, 97 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,599 just say the code word and we'll step in to save you. 98 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,239 What's the code word? 99 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:38,119 Pizza Express, woking. 100 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:43,279 I'm not sure how I'd ever fit that into a conversation, 101 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,359 but I'll make it sound as natural as possible. 102 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,479 Good man, good man. 103 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,719 Well, here goes nothing. 104 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,679 Gentlemen, thank you. 105 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,719 And say goodbye to the man you know and love. 106 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,839 I'll see you in 2026 where I can finally 107 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,279 hold my head up high and say-- 108 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:04,719 Live from London, it's Saturday night! 109 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,040 It's "Saturday Night Live." 110 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,080 with 111 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,600 Hammed Animashaun. 112 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,760 Ayoade Bamgboye. 113 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,480 Larry Dean. 114 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,720 Celeste Dring. 115 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,400 George Fouracres. 116 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,240 Ania Magliano. 117 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,480 Annabel Marlow. 118 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:04,960 Al Nash. 119 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,200 Jack Shep. 120 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,200 Emma Sidi. 121 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:24,240 Paddy Young. 122 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,720 ú Musical guest, Wolf Alice. 123 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,279 ú And your host, Jamie Dornan. 124 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:53,159 Ladies and gentlemen, Jamie Dornan. 125 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:04,639 Thank you. 126 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,640 Thank you! 127 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,039 Thank you very much. 128 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,439 I'm very happy to be here as the first 129 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:14,159 ever host of "SNL UK," since the first 130 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,799 ever host of "SNL UK." 131 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,719 My name is Jamie Dornan. 132 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,519 I'm the star of "The Fall," the Oscar-winning film, 133 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:29,359 "Belfast," and of course, your auntie's favorite dreams. 134 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,479 Now, over the years, it's fair to say 135 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,079 you've all seen a lot of me. 136 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:39,439 And by that, I mean my arse. 137 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:44,119 But there is another part of me that you've not seen. 138 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,160 So tonight, I've decided-- 139 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,160 to follow broadcast guidelines and keep it that way. 140 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,359 But I will reveal something far more intimate about myself. 141 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,079 Because I'm not just a sex symbol, who 142 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,119 looks sexy in everything he does, 143 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,560 I am also a guy who collects rocks 144 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,560 That look like potatoes. 145 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,319 Bring them out, boys. 146 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,320 Come on. 147 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,720 They're my girls. 148 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,799 Look at these gorgeous little things. 149 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,080 And no, this isn't a joke. 150 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,759 God knows, I wish it was. 151 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:40,199 @ And if you-- if you Googleú Jamie Dornan Potato Rocks, 152 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,599 you'll see that I'm telling the truth. 153 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:43,679 Trust me, this is real. 154 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,159 I look for these when I'm on holiday. 155 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,760 I mean, this one looks exactly like a chip. 156 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,399 You know, people say, well, you can't 157 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,799 care that much, because you've only got five, 158 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,239 but that's wrong. 159 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,119 If I cared less, I'd have way more. 160 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:08,399 My standards are, like, very, very high. 161 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,479 Like, take this one, for example. 162 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,439 Can we get a close up on this. 163 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,879 I mean, isn't she beautiful? 164 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,839 Seriously, this is who you want to sleep with? 165 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,679 Not me, your rock suck. 166 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:24,879 I think they're suck. 167 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,279 Hang on. 168 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,279 I recognize that voice. 169 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,199 Was that Chris O'Dowd? 170 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,759 That's right, it's me, your greatest enemy and 171 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,719 personal friend, Chris O'Dowd. 172 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,639 Yeah. 173 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,999 What's going on? 174 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,399 Yeah. 175 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,279 Couldn't help but notice that you're showing 176 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,560 off your spud rocks again-- 177 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,480 You pebble slag. 178 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,439 Seriously, Chris. 179 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:55,919 I mean, do you really have to turn up 180 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,479 in the middle of everything I do and ruin it? 181 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,319 Is that what you're going to do? 182 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,879 Well, it seems that maybe I do have to do that, Jamie. 183 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,319 OK. 184 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,759 I don't really-- I mean, what do you want? 185 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,359 Well, you are the man who's got everything, huh? 186 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,359 But maybe you don't have everything. 187 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,199 Maybe you're missing a little something. 188 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,519 You've swapped one of my rocks for a potato? 189 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:25,559 Yes, I did do that for some reason! 190 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,839 And here's the best bit, huh. 191 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:29,800 Smell it. 192 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,799 I'm not-- I'm not going to-- 193 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Smell my spud, Dornan. 194 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,239 Yeah, that's right. 195 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,799 It's not even Irish. 196 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,119 It's just domestic slop. 197 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,599 OK. Right. 198 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,479 I'm sorry, I'm going to have to deal with this. 199 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,159 We've got a great one for you tonight. 200 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:52,239 Wolf Alice are here. 201 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,239 So stick around. 202 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,639 Enjoy the show. 203 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,999 Right, come on, now give me that back right now. 204 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,439 Hola, amigos. 205 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,719 We out here in Bristol Airport and we are going to España. 206 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,239 España. 207 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,279 The most beautiful place in the world, A country 208 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,519 of art, culture, and culinary delights. 209 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,759 And when we get there, there's only 210 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,680 one place we're going to go. 211 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,199 ♪ To the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 212 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,639 ♪ Just like Britain but in Spain ♪ 213 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,999 ♪ Is the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 214 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,679 ♪ It's run by Gary and Jane ♪ 215 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,679 @ ♪ It's the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 216 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,399 ♪ You got a shirt in the frame ♪ 217 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,159 ♪ At the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 218 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,319 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 219 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,679 ú ♪ it's the British-themed ♪ 220 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,439 ♪ I know a place that I gotta get to ♪ 221 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,119 ♪ Package holiday flying jet to ♪ 222 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,999 ♪ Thee-euro beer, two-eruo shot ♪ 223 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,799 ♪ It's just like the pub by my house, but hot ♪ 224 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,359 ♪ Alicante, Mallorca, and Benidorm ♪ 225 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,679 ♪ I don't want to speak Spanish in any form ♪ 226 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,919 ♪ England football shirt in my carry-on ♪ 227 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:08,039 ♪ So everybody knows I'm also from where they are from ♪ 228 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,119 ♪ Everything we need ♪ 229 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:10,319 ♪ Menus we can read ♪ 230 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,439 ♪ On the big screen ♪ 231 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,079 ♪ They got West Ham leads ♪ 232 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:14,239 ♪ Come on ♪ 233 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,439 ú ♪ Flexin' while we Brexitin' ♪ 234 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,559 ú ♪ No Spanish in my Lexicon ♪ 235 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,079 ú ♪ I'm wearing a sombrero ♪ 236 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,719 ♪ Even though this is a Mexican ♪ 237 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,519 @ ♪ I met a lass from Preston ♪ ♪ Now we're sexin' ♪ 238 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,719 ♪ No protection ♪ú ♪ Make a bunch of babies ♪ 239 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,079 ♪ Bring it back to the ♪ 240 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:26,359 ♪ British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 241 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,159 ♪ We're in the Mediterranean ♪ 242 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,319 ♪ British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 243 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,199 ♪ And we don't speak Spanian ♪ 244 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,999 ú ♪ No Lays inport the walkers ♪ 245 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,159 ♪ In my little pie, yeah ♪ 246 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,519 ♪ That's where the pork is ♪ 247 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,719 ♪ HB, Winchester got all the sauces ♪ 248 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:41,879 ♪ Menu so extravagant ♪ 249 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,159 ♪ I'm having four courses ♪ 250 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,239 ♪ Eggs and chips ♪ 251 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,039 ♪ Pasta and chips ♪ 252 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,799 ♪ Fish fingers in the frozen garlic bread and onion rings ♪ 253 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,239 ♪ Neil Diamond tribute band playing the hits ♪ 254 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,519 ♪ Sunburn ladies are swinging the hips ♪ 255 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:56,239 ♪ Oh, we're going to Ibiza ♪ 256 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,519 ♪ Me and all my chicas ♪ 257 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,479 ♪ To eat some chips and pizza ♪ 258 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:04,559 ♪ And at the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 259 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,319 ♪ I'm playing darts with dad ♪ 260 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,359 ♪ At the British-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 261 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,839 ♪ Why does Melissa look sad? ♪ 262 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,279 ♪ I don't understand ♪ 263 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,439 What the fuck are you talking about? 264 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,759 Don't just make up words. 265 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,479 Guys, this isn't right. 266 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,439 We've come all this way just to replicate our own culture. 267 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,119 Like, surely we should at least broaden our horizons. 268 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,799 She's right, we're too narrow-minded. 269 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,439 There's got to be more to Spain than British-themed pubs. 270 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,799 Hey. 271 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:49,800 I know a place. 272 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,640 Follow me. 273 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,999 ♪ To the Irish-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 274 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,559 ♪ The only thing better than a British ♪ 275 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,719 ♪ Is an Irish-themed pub, pub, pub, pub ♪ 276 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,399 ♪ Even though they are quite similar ♪ 277 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,559 ♪ An Irish-themed pub ♪ 278 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,839 ♪ Come on, you sexy mamas ♪ 279 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:11,879 ú ♪ I got the Irish tapas ♪ 280 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:13,039 ♪ No patatas bravas ♪ 281 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,239 ♪ But I got the plain patatas ♪ 282 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,399 ♪ From Dublin to Marbella ♪ 283 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,479 ♪ I've never tried paella ♪ 284 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,999 ♪ But I'm a lucky fella ♪ 285 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,919 ♪ Cause I own an Irish-themed pub ♪ 286 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,080 ♪ In Spain ♪ 287 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:53,999 I've got Amy. 288 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,439 She's alive. 289 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,959 And she stays that way if you listen carefully. 290 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,959 I need 250 grand in cash. 291 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,119 So I guess, how much do you care about your girlfriend? 292 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:07,319 What? 293 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,559 What? 294 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,959 Hi, sorry. 295 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,639 Um. 296 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,279 Um, it's just-- we haven't really been, 297 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,760 um, saying girlfriend, boyfriend. 298 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,599 But I'm really comfortable with, like, everything 299 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,999 else you've said so far. - Shut up. 300 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,200 I'm warning you. 301 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:32,079 I've got Amy. 302 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,359 She's alive. 303 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,799 And if you want to see your friend-- 304 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,919 Oh, no. 305 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,080 Sorry. 306 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,319 Just to clarify, we are seeing each other. 307 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,240 Like, he's practically my boyfriend. 308 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,759 Yeah, you got it. You go. 309 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,120 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. 310 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,879 I've got Amy. 311 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,239 She's alive. 312 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,719 God, it would just literally kill me 313 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,280 if he knew I was referring to him as my boyfriend. 314 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,319 OK. 315 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,559 So you are sleeping together? 316 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,559 Yeah. 317 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,000 So basically we-- 318 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,399 we were friends first. 319 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,319 Um, and then we had this kiss. 320 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,959 But it was just this, like, drunk thing. 321 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,359 Like, we didn't even speak about it, 322 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,079 which is, like, crazy. 323 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,839 Like, you would have thought, like, I'd have the confidence 324 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,479 to, like, just bring it up. 325 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,719 But, like, I'm not an extrovert like what everyone thinks. 326 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,399 Like-- 327 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,879 like, I'm hesitant to join a conga line, for God's sake. 328 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,839 So yeah, then, like, a few weeks later, we, um-- 329 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,279 we randomly slept together. 330 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,119 And then we just, like, kept sleeping together. 331 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,239 And then you put me in the boot of your car, 332 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,479 and now we're here. 333 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,600 So, like, what would you define that? 334 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,479 Listen. 335 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,959 When I was watching you both through the tiny crack 336 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,120 in the wardrobe door-- 337 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,679 I thought you looked really comfortable together. 338 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:02,679 Oh, my God! 339 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:03,999 Girl, thank you for saying. 340 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,039 Um-- 341 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,439 Like, I don't know. 342 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,199 Like, we do know each other intimately. 343 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,599 And, like-- like, I could describe 344 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,040 his handwriting to you. 345 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,239 Oh, my God! 346 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:16,679 I'm so sorry. 347 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,679 I don't know why I'm getting so upset. 348 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,719 No! 349 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:19,999 No, of course. 350 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,639 I mean, this is an intense situation. 351 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,039 I've got a gun. 352 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,279 I know I should just, like, not care, 353 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,599 but, like, he's so fit. 354 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,759 Like, he's like a fit version of you. 355 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,239 Oh. 356 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,799 I mean, hey, you don't have to tell me twice. 357 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,559 You know, I saw him when I was creeping on you. 358 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,119 OK, like, you can, like, totally say 359 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,239 if this is crazy, obviously, but, like, 360 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,199 do you think there's a way you could 361 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,200 ask him where his head's at? 362 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,719 Girl, I gotta ask for the money anyway, so of course! 363 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,279 Oh! 364 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,479 Just send it on my phone. 365 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,759 Oh, I probably should have taken that off you beforehand. 366 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:01,759 Probably. 367 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,119 So I'll text him. 368 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:06,200 No, we're not married, just Instagram DM. 369 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,319 I have Amy. 370 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,239 I need to know, do you care about her? 371 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,759 Do you want her to be your girlfriend? 372 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:23,519 Do you have other girls to fall back on if she goes missing? 373 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,359 I mean, what are your hopes for the future? 374 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,999 Like, do you even want to have kids? 375 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:33,039 And once I know all that, I'll send through the demands. 376 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,479 Oh my God!! 377 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,119 - I know! - I feel so nervous! 378 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:40,559 I know, like, what if he ends me? 379 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:41,959 Ooh. 380 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,199 Hey, if he won't pay you-- if he won't pay 250 grand 381 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,159 to stop me from chopping you into little pieces, 382 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,879 then he doesn't deserve you. 383 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,839 Aww. 384 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,199 Oh, my God, he's typing. 385 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,519 He stopped? 386 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,959 Oh, should I send him another text? 387 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,199 No, no, no, don't double text. 388 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,319 Maybe we should upload an Instagram story 389 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,919 of your little girl hand in my boy hand. 390 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:04,919 Oh, my God. 391 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,159 OK, it's genius. 392 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,039 Oh, my God, he sent a video. 393 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:13,399 @ - Mm, mm, May, yo, listen, I'mú sorry that you were being held 394 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,919 hostage like that and all that-- 395 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,919 @ and all that stuff, but I just feel like I really 396 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,399 ú need to be single right now. 397 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,399 Obviously, like, if you do escape, then link me 398 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,719 ú and I can-- babe, I'm coming. 399 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,879 Babe, oh my God. 400 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:27,879 Babe. 401 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,159 Aw. 402 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,839 Oh, my God. 403 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,519 I'm-- I'm so sorry that's happened to you, babe. 404 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,119 Babe, like, I'm sorry this has happened to you. 405 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,719 Like, you clearly put so much work into, like, 406 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,079 setting this whole thing up. 407 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,159 No, it's, like, so-- so not on that. 408 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,559 I'm going to have to kill you now. 409 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,919 Babe, like, in the spirit of being direct, 410 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,719 like, I have taken your gun. 411 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,439 OK! 412 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,039 And I am going to escape! 413 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,360 Oh, she's the CEO of her own future! 414 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,279 Aww. 415 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,759 Promise me you won't go back to him. 416 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:03,839 Babe. 417 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,639 I will. 418 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,719 Eleanor. 419 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,719 Sweetheart, it's 1:00 in the morning. 420 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,999 What are you doing? 421 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,799 Putting the clocks forward, daddy. 422 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,399 Daylight Saving Time. 423 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,639 If we don't change the clocks tonight, he'll get us. 424 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,239 Who's going to give us, Eleanor? 425 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,479 The Time Man. 426 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,799 He waits for us at the end of every year 427 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,679 and brings the new one in with song. 428 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,479 He keeps the seasons in his pockets. 429 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:39,119 The keeper of the clocks, the Boogie Woogie Man. 430 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:41,039 Jools Holland. 431 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,199 That's just a myth, Eleanor. 432 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,639 It's true! 433 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,559 He brings the new year in with his hootenanny. 434 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,879 And every spring, he flies across the country to check 435 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,839 that we've changed the clocks. 436 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,479 Have you forgotten? 437 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,559 He imprisons our souls in his Boogie Woogie Wonderland. 438 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,599 I know all the stories. Come on, let's get to bed. 439 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,399 OK? 440 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,039 It's too late. 441 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,039 He's here. 442 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,319 Who? 443 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,999 Ladies and gentlemen, Olivia Dean! 444 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,679 Clocks forward now! 445 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,839 5, 4-- better change your clocks. 446 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,359 I'm nearly here-- 3-- 447 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,359 Hide! 448 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,479 2. 449 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,599 Hello! 450 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:18,599 1-- 451 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,439 Good evening, everybody. 452 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,319 Have you had a good winter? 453 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,440 It's Jamie Cullens here! 454 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,559 Joss Stone, everyone, playing a cut of her 455 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,119 new album "Super Duper Loud." 456 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,759 I'm certain, . 457 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,119 He wants his hour. 458 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:40,879 If we give him his hour, then he'll go. 459 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:41,999 Oh, very good. 460 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:42,999 Bang on time! 461 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,240 Sting will be pleased. 462 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,359 You forgot the oven! 463 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,439 Where's my hour? 464 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:55,439 Go on! 465 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:56,440 Run! 466 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,119 Big year for you, Dad. 467 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,039 What's next? 468 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,799 I think he wants an anecdote. 469 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:04,839 Does it have to be funny? 470 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,239 Not really. 471 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,839 Tell the lovely people what's in store! 472 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,239 That is so open ended? 473 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:10,479 Dad's here, everybody! 474 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:11,479 We love you! 475 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,519 We welcome you! 476 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,799 More Jools? 477 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,879 Well, I'm not called Jool Holland, am I? 478 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,879 Hey! 479 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,879 Ha ha! 480 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:18,919 Jessie J? 481 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,120 What are you doing? 482 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,759 You didn't give me my hour. 483 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,879 Why don't you join me in my Boogie Woogie 484 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,639 Wonderland forever? 485 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,040 Hootenanny! 486 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,040 Dad? 487 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,839 Visit gov.uk/where'sjool'shour 488 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,239 for more. 489 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:15,999 OK. 490 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,279 Just lining up, guys. 491 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,679 This is the big moment. 492 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,399 Mother and son reunited after years of war. 493 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,919 OK? 494 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,519 We've got some eye drops if you need help with the crying or-- 495 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,319 Well, I'm happy give it a go without. 496 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,319 Yeah, me too. OK. 497 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:29,799 OK. Right. 498 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,399 Well, let's just go for one, see what happens. 499 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,399 Yeah? 500 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,479 Rolling! 501 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,959 ú - Uh, "The Battle Within." 502 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,639 Take one. 503 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,639 And action! 504 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,079 Mother? 505 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:45,240 I'm home. 506 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:58,240 Oh, my son. 507 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,879 Oh, my son. 508 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:05,960 Oh, my son. 509 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,559 So it's her line? 510 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:13,599 Oh, sorry! 511 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:14,799 Sorry! 512 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,199 Yes. 513 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,639 So, Stella, a little quicker in on the line. 514 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:18,599 Yes, quicker on the line. Yep, yep, yep. 515 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,119 OK, great. 516 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,199 And remember, you're a mother being reunited with her son, 517 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,639 OK? - Yes. 518 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:24,639 Got it? 519 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,639 OK. 520 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:26,999 Rolling! 521 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,479 "The Battle Within." 522 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,279 Take two. 523 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,679 And action! 524 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,159 Mother? 525 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,239 I'm home. 526 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:41,559 Oh, my son. 527 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,040 I've dreamed of this day. 528 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,239 Do I seem very different? 529 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,679 Well, I need-- 530 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,079 to get a look at you to answer that. 531 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,239 Sorry. 532 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,319 You look the same as ever. 533 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,959 Oh, God, I missed you, Mummy. 534 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,079 You know, I-- 535 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,639 I had the strangest time in the war. 536 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,319 I met this old man. 537 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,799 Whoa! - Whoa! 538 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,359 - Whoa. - Whoa! 539 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,799 - What's going on here? - Whoa! 540 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,519 Whoa, I don't think that's the story, love. 541 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,719 No, no. 542 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,039 Sorry, no, sorry, I wasn't-- 543 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,839 No, I was just leaning in to listen. 544 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,039 I like, what are you saying? 545 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,679 What are you saying, son? - OK. 546 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:27,959 - Yeah. - So, Stella. 547 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:28,919 - Yeah. - You're playing his mother. 548 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:29,919 Yeah yeah. 549 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,519 OK. 550 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,079 Do you think the skirts maybe, like, a little bit 551 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,679 cinched for mom? 552 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,959 Yeah, I'm not worried about that, yeah, yeah, yeah. 553 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,359 OK, we're losing time. 554 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:38,679 Michael, we really need to get that speech. 555 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,119 Are you happy to just go for it? 556 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,479 Yeah, I'm ready. Yeah, yeah. 557 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,119 OK, Stella, just reactions from you, OK? 558 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,759 Really almost nothing at all, OK? 559 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:47,959 We're still rolling. 560 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:48,959 All right. 561 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,199 Just reactions, OK. 562 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,879 Action! 563 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:57,759 I know I'm back, but in a sense, I'm not really here. 564 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,119 Mm-hmm. 565 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,479 The things I've seen. 566 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:02,319 Oh, yeah. 567 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:03,639 The things I've done. 568 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,640 Oh. 569 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,320 Mother. 570 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:12,599 My, my mother. 571 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,839 Yeah, yes. 572 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,159 I've done some bad things 573 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,719 Oh, yes! 574 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,999 I mean no, oh, no. 575 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,159 Oh, no. 576 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:22,359 It keeps me up at night. 577 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:26,519 Oh, all night long, son. 578 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,479 I did some terrible things in-- in the war. 579 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,520 Oh, naughty. 580 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,719 You were so naughty in the war. 581 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,239 Cut! 582 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,279 Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry. 583 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,839 This is not working for me at all. 584 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,559 - Get her out of here! - No, no, no, I can do it. 585 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,199 No, I can do it! I can do it! 586 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,239 No, my son! 587 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,959 My sexy son! 588 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,839 They thought there was a chance this might happen, 589 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,039 so don't worry, we've already got another actress lined up 590 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,039 ready to go. 591 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,039 Come on. 592 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,759 Oh my son. 593 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,959 Oh! 594 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,159 What is happening? 595 00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,279 No, wait. 596 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:00,319 I actually like this one. 597 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,479 OK, that's lunch everyone. 598 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,759 What? 599 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,720 Ladies and gentlemen, Wolf Alice! 600 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,439 ♪ Music and love had magnetic properties ♪ 601 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,359 ♪ Wrote a scholar from the island ♪ 602 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:29,959 ♪ That they kept from me ♪ 603 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,679 ♪ And I don't need to solve my unknown identity ♪ 604 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,799 ♪ Just need an answer to the question in the taxi ♪ 605 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,799 ♪ My sister paints apathy like blasphemy ♪ 606 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,319 ♪ But I never thought names deserve such energy ♪ 607 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,599 ♪ It's my choice to choose who I embrace as family ♪ 608 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,279 ♪ My choice to choose, yeah, ♪ 609 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,039 ♪ My choice to choose, yeah ♪ 610 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,359 ♪ Know who I am, ♪ 611 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:55,359 ♪ That's important to me ♪ 612 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,399 ♪ Do what I can ♪ 613 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,879 ♪ To see the wood from the trees ♪ 614 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,199 ♪ Know who I am, ♪ 615 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,439 ♪ That's important to me ♪ 616 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:13,239 ♪ Let the branches wrap their arms ♪ 617 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,279 ♪ Around me ♪ 618 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,439 ♪ I could just wander, always, ♪ 619 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,279 ♪ Like a leafú on the southeast breeze ♪ 620 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,919 ♪ I do not need no rooting, ♪ 621 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:28,199 ♪ I carry home with me ♪ 622 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,399 ♪ To be a nomad floating ♪ 623 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,559 ♪ On the waves of the Channel sea ♪ 624 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,959 ♪ I can see England waving ♪ 625 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,599 ♪ White horses carry me ♪ 626 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,279 ♪ Music and love have magnetic properties ♪ 627 00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,199 ♪ Wrote a scholar from the island ♪ 628 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,639 ú ♪ That they kept from me ♪ 629 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,519 ♪ I don't need to solve my unknown identity ♪ 630 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,599 ♪ Just need an answer to the question in the taxi ♪ 631 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,799 ♪ My sister paints apathy like blasphemy ♪ 632 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,159 ♪ I've seen God's green earth ♪ 633 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,959 ♪ With the people closest to me ♪ 634 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,359 ♪ My choice to choose who I embrace as family ♪ 635 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,159 ♪ I choose you, yeah, ♪ 636 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,919 ♪ I choose you, yeah ♪ 637 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,159 ♪ Know who I am ♪ 638 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,199 ♪ That's important to me ♪ 639 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,159 ♪ Do what I can ♪ 640 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,919 ♪ To see the wood from the trees ♪ 641 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,119 ♪ Know who I am ♪ 642 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,279 ú ♪ That's important to me ♪ 643 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:42,719 ♪ Let the branches wrap their arms ♪ 644 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,399 ♪ Around me ♪ 645 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,279 ♪ I can just wander always ♪ 646 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,199 ♪ Like a leaf on the southeast breeze ♪ 647 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,839 ú ♪ I do not need no rooting ♪ 648 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,359 ♪ I carry home with me ♪ 649 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:02,279 ♪ To be a nomad floating ♪ 650 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,479 ♪ On the waves of the Channel Sea ♪ 651 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,799 ♪ I can see England waving ♪ 652 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,919 ♪ White horses carry me ♪ 653 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,119 ♪ Know who I am ♪ 654 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:18,159 ♪ That's important to me ♪ 655 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,119 ♪ Do what I can ♪ 656 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,079 ♪ To see the wood from the trees ♪ 657 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,039 ♪ Know who I am ♪ 658 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,239 ♪ That's important to me ♪ 659 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:42,719 ♪ Let the branches wrap their arms ♪ 660 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:44,519 ♪ Around me ♪ 661 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,639 ♪ I can just wander always ♪ 662 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,479 ♪ Like a leaf on a southeast breeze ♪ 663 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,199 ♪ I do not need no rooting, ♪ 664 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,439 ♪ I carry home with me ♪ 665 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,639 ♪ To be a nomad floating ♪ 666 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,959 ♪ On the waves of the Channel Sea ♪ 667 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,439 ♪ I can see England waving, ♪ 668 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:11,559 ♪ White horses carry me ♪ 669 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:49,520 @ - It's "Weekend Update" withú Ania Magliano and Paddy Young. 670 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,839 Good evening and welcome to "Weekend Update." 671 00:31:58,840 --> 00:31:59,839 I'm Paddy Young. 672 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,200 And I'm Anna Magliano. 673 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,039 in a world of darkness, horror and despair, 674 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,079 we're here to make it worse. 675 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:11,240 Let's have it! 676 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,479 The conflict in the Middle East continues to escalate. 677 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,279 Israel has intercepted a missile 678 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:21,799 from Yemen, which has been identified as a Houthi missile. 679 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,319 As in, Houthi hell fired that missile? 680 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:27,919 While Trump has been insisting 681 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,239 that Iran wants a deal so badly, 682 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,959 an Iranian military spokesperson 683 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,359 has said, quote, "our first and last word from the very first 684 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,639 day has been is and will remain: 685 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,839 someone like us will never come to terms with someone like you. 686 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,839 Not now and not ever." 687 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,680 Oh my God, just kiss already. 688 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,079 Corey Edwards, a reform candidate in Wales, 689 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,119 has stepped down after being photographed while appearing 690 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,639 to do a Nazi salute. 691 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,359 Reform leader Nigel Farage said it looks terrible. 692 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,199 And he's right-- the arm's too low. 693 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,159 He's grinning. 694 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,319 And wears his swastika? 695 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,439 When did Nazis get so sloppy? 696 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,039 Chancellor Rachel Reeves has indicated 697 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:11,719 that millions of households will 698 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:15,239 get no help from the government to pay soaring energy bills. 699 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,440 Thanks, bitch. 700 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,679 A US Congressman has made a direct plea to Sarah Ferguson 701 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,719 to testify about her close personal and business ties 702 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,359 to Jeffrey Epstein. 703 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,080 But to be fair to Fergie, she does have a full diary. 704 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,599 Reports have revealed that in the upcoming musical adaptation 705 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:40,999 of "Trainspotting," the main character 706 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,719 will be addicted not only to heroin 707 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,399 but also to social media. 708 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,799 The show will premiere in July and is being directed 709 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:50,240 by your year 11 drama teacher. 710 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,919 Leonid Radvinsky, the owner of OnlyFans, has died. 711 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,479 So gentlemen, when you're visiting the site this week, 712 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,520 lower your penises to half mast. 713 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,079 Beautiful funeral, by the way. 714 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,480 Wasn't a dry tissue in the house. 715 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,559 And now, it seems like the whole world is at war-- 716 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,719 Russia and Ukraine, the Middle East, Chappell Roan 717 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:15,720 and that tiny girl. 718 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,839 By the way, it was actually Sabrina Carpenter's bodyguard. 719 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,679 But anyway, war. 720 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,439 We could just keep making jokes about it. 721 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,079 But first, we do want to check, are you OK? 722 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:35,839 This is "Hand in Hand" with Ania and Pad. 723 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,319 We're here to tell you that it's gonna be OK. 724 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,079 Because we've got each other. 725 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,759 World War III, sounds scary, huh? 726 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,559 But we've already had two. 727 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:45,799 And don't-- 728 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,639 And don't they say good things come in threes? 729 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,679 Good things can come from war-- 730 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,839 antibiotics, jet engines, something 731 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,479 to talk to your dad about. 732 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,479 If London gets bombed, house prices will drop. 733 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,439 And so will house numbers. 734 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,119 We'll all get to live across the two houses that are left, 735 00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,359 like in "Friends." 736 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,159 It might sound scary to have missiles rain down on us, 737 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,199 but look on the bright side. 738 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,320 Steven Bartlett might get his face blown off. 739 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:18,999 And who's to say we won't come out on top? 740 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,279 As a nation, we've beaten them all-- the French, the 741 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,000 Germans, foot-in-mouth. 742 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:26,559 And sure, the bad guys might win 743 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,760 and we end up speaking Ukrainian. 744 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,919 But don't worry, we're in this together. 745 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:35,919 We've got you. 746 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,479 We've got each other. 747 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,959 This has been "Hand in Hand" with Paddy and Ania. 748 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,159 Research has found that pregnant women on the Tube 749 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,959 have to stand for an average of five stops 750 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,639 before being offered a seat. 751 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,319 It seems like a bit of social-- basic social etiquette, 752 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,440 but please, if you're watching, men, wear a condom. 753 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:05,439 Looksmaxxing influencer Clavicular has been arrested, 754 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,559 and I'm sure he has no regrets about dedicating 755 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,479 his life to making himself look like a beautiful young boy 756 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,120 right before he was taken to jail. 757 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,919 The former Tory Justice Minister, Crispin Blunt, 758 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,839 has admitted to hosting chemsex parties and has been fined 759 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,279 1,200 pounds for possessing illegal drugs, 760 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,599 including crystal meth and the sedative GBL. 761 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,359 I have to say, he looks surprisingly 762 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,040 grumpy for someone who loves being jacked up on meth. 763 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,239 Blunt told the court that he got 764 00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:39,439 involved in the chemsex party scene to help 765 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,599 inform government policy. 766 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,119 Blunt is set to publish his research in a parliamentary 767 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,039 advisory paper entitled, "Oh my God guys, 768 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,120 you have to try chem sex!" 769 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,759 In his speech to the courts, Blunt called for all drugs 770 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,719 to be legalized, but he acknowledged that the chemsex 771 00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:59,359 lifestyle did carry risks, like cumming 772 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,679 so hard you drop your poppers. 773 00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,720 Trust me, it happens. 774 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,639 In lighter news, the town of Grantham in Lincolnshire 775 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,119 has announced that it's reviving 776 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,319 its Medieval Onion Fair. 777 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,479 The event, on October 10th, will see onion tastings, 778 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,879 onion-themed street food, onion-flavored drinks and 779 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:19,319 an onion-eating competition. 780 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,559 So if you're looking something-- 781 00:37:21,720 --> 00:37:23,439 So if you're looking for something 782 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,000 fun to do on October the 10th, why not avoid Grantham? 783 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,399 An AI-generated military influencer and foot 784 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:34,279 fetish model has reached over a million followers on Instagram. 785 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,799 There she is in her military-grade stilettos. 786 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,639 Honestly, what kind of a sad, sexually frustrated loser 787 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,839 would sit alone fantasizing about her for hours 788 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:45,240 in my bedroom last night? 789 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,999 A new documentary reveals K-pop group BTS 790 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,239 struggled to return to music after 791 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:54,239 mandatory military service. 792 00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,519 So did the stress of this overstimulate 793 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,879 Jimin, causing sunflower spillover, and 794 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,719 micro-snaps towards Jungkook? 795 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,279 And what now? 796 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,999 Will these whimsical detours cause the deep thinker 797 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,879 RM to become overprotective? 798 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:08,639 And what about the push-pull duo of Suga and J-Hope? 799 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,399 Can Jin be the quiet stabilizer anchoring Jungkook 800 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,359 with microbubble maintenance, or 801 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,679 will V use his whimsy shield to offset bubble drift 802 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:19,039 and soften Jimin with mirror gestures? 803 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,959 No idea. 804 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,440 I've never even heard of BTS. 805 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,119 A new report has said that birth rates in the UK 806 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,199 are falling, and for a change, us girls 807 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:31,919 are getting the blame for it. 808 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,359 Reform's Matt Goodwin has said that the problem 809 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:38,239 is women having children too late in life. 810 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:39,799 You know who I wish left having a baby 811 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,599 till it was too late in life, Matt Goodwin? 812 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:42,600 Your mom. 813 00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,599 Here to discuss the ins and outs, 814 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,039 please welcome our own fertility 815 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,719 expert and cast member, Ayoade Bamgboye. 816 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:50,719 Hi, everybody. 817 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,119 Thank you for having me. 818 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:55,399 Thank you. 819 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,079 So, Ayoade, you're here to explain 820 00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,359 why you think birth plates-- 821 00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,719 birth rates are plummeting? - Yes. 822 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:02,599 And the media would have you thinking 823 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,719 @ that this is a complex issue,úbut it's actually quite simple. 824 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:07,879 We're not being honest about what the real problem is here. 825 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,399 Uh, women not wanting to have babies? 826 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,039 Women not wanting to have babies with men like you. 827 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,039 Why me? 828 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:16,439 How was this my fault? 829 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:17,919 Paddy, no one looks at you and thinks, 830 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,759 yes, your genes must be preserved 831 00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,039 for the next generation. 832 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:23,519 What's wrong with old Pads? 833 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,079 When was the last time you changed your bedding? 834 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,159 Can you drive? 835 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:27,639 Have you drank water today? 836 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:29,039 I had a shower. 837 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,759 How is he going to impregnate anyone? 838 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,159 He's completely dehydrated. 839 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,279 His sperm probably looks like dusty oats. 840 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:37,679 Wait, wait there a second. 841 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,359 What if I told you that most women actually 842 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,919 want to have children? 843 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,239 And I'm gonna have to say the quiet part out loud. 844 00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,479 The fact of the matter is, men are very, 845 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,480 very difficult to be around. 846 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,839 Ania, have you watched a man eat? 847 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,679 It's not good. 848 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,159 It's so scary. 849 00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,479 This generation of men just aren't up to it. 850 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,199 They're easily overwhelmed. 851 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:01,760 Some even have the audacity to grow a mustache. 852 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,159 Mustache is for men with full driving license. 853 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,119 So what is your solution to a generation 854 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,919 of women being repulsed by the idea of having my children? 855 00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,119 I'm so glad you asked. 856 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,919 To me, we have two options. 857 00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,159 We bank the sperm of the gays-- the practicing 858 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,399 gays, to be exact. 859 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,319 And we just use that, yes. 860 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,399 Or we milk three to five high-value males 861 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,199 whose seed would actually be useful to us. 862 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,079 So, for example, people like Martin Lewis, 863 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,599 money saving expert. 864 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:34,759 Yes! 865 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,839 Ayoade, we can't milk Martin Lewis. 866 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:37,879 We need him on the front line. 867 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:38,919 To be fair, you're right. 868 00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:40,279 You're right. 869 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,119 We can't lose our strongest soldier. 870 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,839 Thanks for joining us, fertility expert 871 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,239 Ayoade Bamgboye, everybody. 872 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,159 From "Weekend Update," I'm Paddy Young. 873 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:50,559 And I'm Ania Magliano. 874 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,359 Good night. 875 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:25,879 Please! 876 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,119 I can't do it anymore. 877 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,159 Please. 878 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,639 You're coming with me! 879 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,719 Please! 880 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:39,959 This ain't right. 881 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,679 Pipe down, for cripes sake. 882 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:43,679 If they hear you, it'll be lashings for all of us. 883 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:44,679 You. 884 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,239 What is it we do here? 885 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,439 I can't. 886 00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:48,919 I can't! 887 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:50,719 I need to hear you say it. 888 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,799 What is it we do here? 889 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,839 You know when you open a hot wrap from Pret or McDonald's-- 890 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,839 And part of the wrap sticks to the inside of the packet-- 891 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,799 So when you take it out, the whole wrap 892 00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,199 completely falls apart? 893 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,240 We're the people who glue down that bit wrap. 894 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,919 ♪ I can't do this anymore ♪ 895 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:21,119 ♪ It ain't right ♪ 896 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,119 ♪ Gluing all day, gluing all night ♪ 897 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,000 ♪ Gluing wraps! ♪ 898 00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,680 ♪ Will they join my fight? ♪ 899 00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,319 Oh, God. 900 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:40,239 Hey, look at her, the people's princess. 901 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:43,239 Seen her kind before, haven't we, Marty? 902 00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:46,239 Brave, rebellious, doesn't understand 903 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,160 the wraps gluing thing. 904 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,719 ♪ Pipe down, little gal ♪ 905 00:42:51,720 --> 00:42:53,079 ♪ You ain't got a clue ♪ 906 00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,519 ♪ Shut that shiny mouth of yours ♪ 907 00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,319 ♪ You ain't too good to glue ♪ 908 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,399 ♪ We like things how we like 'em ♪ 909 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,399 ♪ We're ever so scared of change ♪ 910 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,159 ♪ Being alive is suffering ♪ 911 00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,760 ♪ We exist to remind you of that ♪ 912 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:10,399 But would it be so bad if the wraps? 913 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,079 Came out in one piece? 914 00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:13,199 Ah! 915 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,199 Face facts, Freckles. 916 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,879 It's rotten work, but someone's got to do it. 917 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:21,759 Do they though? 918 00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,199 Do I smell unglued wraps? 919 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,639 Quick, it's the foreman! 920 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,319 ♪ I am a man ♪ 921 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,519 ♪ And that is good ♪ 922 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,359 ♪ And I run this factory ♪ 923 00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:36,919 ♪ My wife is dead ♪ 924 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,679 I hate the poor. 925 00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,999 And I'm the mayor. 926 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,919 Whoa. 927 00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:47,839 Well, well, well, if it ain't my stinky little workforce, 928 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:52,239 with their horrible faces living their miserable lives. 929 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:57,080 Oh, doing exactly what they're told, I'm sure. 930 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,320 Huh. 931 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,120 Who is responsible for this? 932 00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:11,839 I said, who is responsible for this? 933 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,399 Me! 934 00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,359 Oh, tired sweetheart. 935 00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:21,399 Cream crackered from gluing wraps? 936 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:26,239 Oh, you could always work in my other factory, where 937 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:28,759 we stick fruit polos together so they congeal 938 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,599 into one weird cylinder. 939 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,119 Tired? 940 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,559 I'm not tired. 941 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:44,119 I'm the opposite of tired, whatever that is. 942 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,799 In fact, I'm just getting started! 943 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:48,800 Stop her! 944 00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:51,239 ♪ Please can't you see ♪ 945 00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:52,839 ♪ Why we're here? ♪ 946 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,159 ♪ We are ruining the lunches of innocent folk ♪ 947 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,439 ♪ We mustn't turn our backs ♪ 948 00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:57,839 ♪ On the backs of the people ♪ 949 00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:59,759 ♪ On the street who need us the most ♪ 950 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,239 ♪ We can't ♪ 951 00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:02,239 ♪ You with the glue ♪ ♪ Which is true ♪ 952 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:03,559 ♪ What I'm saying ♪ 953 00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:04,759 ♪ What's not sticking in your brain ♪ 954 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:05,919 ♪ You're not listening ♪ 955 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:06,959 ♪ Same old story being said ♪ 956 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:08,839 ♪ Tie her up instead ♪ 957 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:09,919 ♪ Bad luck ♪ 958 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:11,119 ♪ It's stuck ♪ 959 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:15,879 ♪ We can't give up, my friend! ♪ 960 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,359 ♪ She's right ♪ 961 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:24,519 ♪ I join the fight ♪ 962 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,199 ♪ Me too ♪ ♪ And me ♪ 963 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:27,639 ♪ She'll set us free ♪ 964 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:28,799 ♪ A new life ♪ 965 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,039 ♪ No strife ♪ 966 00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:34,039 ♪ Also, how is this a job? ♪ 967 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:35,079 Whoa. 968 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:36,679 Get off me. 969 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,039 I said, get off me. 970 00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,319 He's going to fall into the furnace. 971 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,999 No one's even touching him. 972 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,719 It's the power of song! 973 00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:45,919 Curse you, you bloody little bitch! 974 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,080 Ah! 975 00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:56,680 Wow. 976 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,519 His reign of terror is over. 977 00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:05,799 People of the factory what glues down 978 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:10,079 wraps, we're finally free to get new jobs 979 00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:12,399 in an Amazon warehouse! 980 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,799 Yes! 981 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:18,719 ♪ Yeah ♪ 982 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:22,599 I'm Olly Duggan. 983 00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:23,479 And I'm Matty Duggan. 984 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,199 And we are the Beanz Bros. 985 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,719 Growing up, we never had much, but 986 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:30,439 there was always two things we could rely on, 987 00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:35,039 our lovely Nanny Sue, and her legendary beans on toast. 988 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:36,839 Four years ago, our beautiful Nanny Sue 989 00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,279 took out her life savings so that we could follow our dreams 990 00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,239 and open our very own food truck. 991 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,359 And since then, we've sold over 50 million beans 992 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:49,039 to happy customers up and down the country. 993 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:52,119 We owe everything we have to our dear Nanny Sue and 994 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,760 our kick-ass secret recipe. 995 00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:58,759 @ - And before you ask, ay, ourú Nanny Sue is that Sue Duggan, 996 00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,399 @ recently dubbed the Toxicú Widow because last week she 997 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:04,039 @ was convicted of injecting a bus full of children 998 00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:05,999 with hepatitis C. 999 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:11,199 @ - And before you ask, no, weú don't know why she did it. 1000 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:15,079 @ - And before you ask, yes, we have cut ties with Nanny 1001 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:16,599 Sue completely. 1002 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,279 We're opening our first real restaurant tomorrow, 1003 00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,959 and the timing could not be worse. 1004 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:24,279 ú - We've got classic beans. 1005 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:25,959 We've got Nashville barbecue beans. 1006 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,239 We've got Thai green curry beans. 1007 00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:30,199 And before you ask, no, the beans 1008 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,239 ú will not give you hepatitis. 1009 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,679 And before you ask,ú yes, some of the children 1010 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:36,399 are still in comas. 1011 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,799 Also, before you ask, yes, we are both considering chemical 1012 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:44,159 castration just to make sure the evil in our bloodline 1013 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,400 dies with us. 1014 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,959 ú - We also do chicken wings! 1015 00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,719 At Beanz Bros we have three things we are passionate about: 1016 00:47:54,720 --> 00:47:57,719 big flavors, good vibes, and atoning for the sins 1017 00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,399 of our wicked family. 1018 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:01,399 That's why we've partnered with a local charity that 1019 00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,679 helps rehabilitate grandmothers convicted 1020 00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:05,639 of serious violent crime. 1021 00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:06,879 This is Jenny. 1022 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,079 She cut the brakes on her daughter 1023 00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:09,679 in law's Vauxhall Corsa. 1024 00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:11,799 Sandra posted a letter bomb to her next-door 1025 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:13,559 neighbor because they left their Christmas 1026 00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:14,679 lights up too long. 1027 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:19,359 Deborah threw acid at an Uber driver. 1028 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,439 Before you ask, yes, it was racially motivated. 1029 00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:25,519 Fuck, fuck! 1030 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:26,639 This is hell. 1031 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,119 What do we have to do it ourselves? 1032 00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,879 So come on down to Beanz Bros because those kids 1033 00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:37,759 @ are not coming back, and weú don't want to go to hell. 1034 00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,159 Once again, Wolf Alice! 1035 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:55,879 ♪ It really, really made the room sing ♪ 1036 00:48:55,880 --> 00:49:00,479 ♪ The way you said my name ♪ 1037 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:05,679 ♪ Like you could not believe I'd be here ♪ 1038 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:10,279 ♪ Though our friends are all the same ♪ 1039 00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:15,199 ♪ I wanted you to walk on over ♪ 1040 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:20,159 ♪ But you turned and went the other way ♪ 1041 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:25,159 ♪ I followed you around the corner ♪ 1042 00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,479 ♪ Now I'll always picture you this way ♪ 1043 00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,919 ♪ Leaning against the wall ♪ 1044 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:39,399 ♪ You put my world in slow-mo ♪ 1045 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:49,519 ♪ You put my name up in lights ♪ 1046 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,959 ♪ Because ♪ 1047 00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:01,039 ♪ Doesn't anybody love you more than I do? ♪ 1048 00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:02,399 ♪ No ♪ 1049 00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,080 ♪ Isn't anyone out there? ♪ 1050 00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:19,079 ♪ "Is love our greatest performance?" ♪ 1051 00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:23,799 ♪ I thought as you spun me around ♪ 1052 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:28,639 ♪ Public displays of affection ♪ 1053 00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:33,639 ♪ Well, it takes two,ú so there's always a crowd ♪ 1054 00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:38,519 ♪ I dance so you will watch me ♪ 1055 00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:43,399 ♪ That doesn't hurt my pride ♪ 1056 00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:47,639 ♪ I like the thrill of my performing ♪ 1057 00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:50,839 ♪ When I abuse the courage of white wine ♪ 1058 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:54,439 ♪ And you're leaning against the wall ♪ 1059 00:50:58,240 --> 00:51:02,439 ♪ You put my world in slow-mo ♪ 1060 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:12,679 ♪ You put my name up in lights ♪ 1061 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,399 ♪ Because ♪ 1062 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:23,640 ♪ Doesn't anybody love you more than I do? ♪ 1063 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,000 ♪ Is there anyone out there? ♪ 1064 00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:36,199 ♪ Because, ♪ 1065 00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:38,999 ♪ Because ♪ 1066 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:42,800 ♪ Doesn't anybody love you more than I do? ♪ 1067 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:49,599 ♪ Isn't anyone out there? ♪ 1068 00:51:55,560 --> 00:52:09,799 ♪ I'm in love ♪ 1069 00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:14,760 ♪ Am I in love ♪ 1070 00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:26,399 ♪ I'm in love ♪ 1071 00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:08,959 Oh. Right. 1072 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:09,959 Home time, I think. 1073 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:11,599 Oh, uh, sorry. 1074 00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:14,439 I've been trying to keep my cool all night, 1075 00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,439 but I'm such a huge fan of yours. 1076 00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,839 Like, I can't believe ex-international rugby player 1077 00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:23,039 Jason Robinson OBE is actually dating my best-- 1078 00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,039 my wife's best friend. 1079 00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,399 Thanks. 1080 00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,759 You know, I have to-- have to say, I was 1081 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,999 quite good at rugby myself. 1082 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,239 Oh, yeah? 1083 00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:32,839 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. 1084 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:34,679 I probably could have gone pro if it wasn't for my-- 1085 00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,799 Oh, no no no, please-- please don't say knee, all right? 1086 00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,359 I hate that. 1087 00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:40,959 Do you know how many people come up to me and say, 1088 00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:42,679 oh, I could have gone pro if it weren't for my knee. 1089 00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,719 No, you couldn't go pro because you weren't good enough, 1090 00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:47,679 you know? 1091 00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:49,679 No, I was good enough. 1092 00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,279 It wasn't-- it wasn't actually my knee. 1093 00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:54,639 I had a different-- like a rare condition. 1094 00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:55,640 What condition? 1095 00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,679 Uh, ah, one second. 1096 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:01,439 I'm just-- I'm just going to get another drink. 1097 00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:02,519 All right. 1098 00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:04,559 Did he finally mention the rugby? 1099 00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:05,399 Yeah, big time. 1100 00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:06,599 Oh, he loves it so much. 1101 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:07,679 Bless him. 1102 00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:09,519 Did he freak out? - No, no, no. 1103 00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,119 He was going on about how he could have gone pro if he 1104 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,719 weren't for his condition. 1105 00:54:13,720 --> 00:54:15,399 - His what? - Yeah. 1106 00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:16,759 Babe, sorry, can I see you in the kitchen for a second? 1107 00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,919 Yeah. 1108 00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:20,080 What's up? 1109 00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,519 I've gone and bloody cut my balls off and superglued 1110 00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:26,440 them onto my hips, haven't I? 1111 00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:33,760 You've what? 1112 00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:40,839 I've cut off my balls and stuck them to my hips. 1113 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,599 What part of that don't you understand? 1114 00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:45,799 Why? 1115 00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,079 I panicked, I panicked. 1116 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:49,439 I needed a serious condition. 1117 00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:52,039 Otherwise, he's not going to like me. 1118 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,159 He's going to-- he's going to think I'm just one of those, 1119 00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:57,639 like, "I could have been a pro if it wasn't for my knee" guys. 1120 00:54:57,640 --> 00:54:58,919 You are that! 1121 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,199 Please! 1122 00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:01,359 This is my last chance to be friends 1123 00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:02,679 with a genuine rugby player. 1124 00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:05,039 Just let me have this. 1125 00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,280 Fine. 1126 00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:10,559 Ah. 1127 00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,759 Does anyone want more wine? 1128 00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:15,160 Because I need a drink. 1129 00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:18,599 Are you all right, mate? 1130 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:19,600 Yeah. 1131 00:55:21,240 --> 00:55:24,719 Yeah, he's-- he's got this rare condition, 1132 00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:26,399 and it's just flaring up. 1133 00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:27,799 Don't be ashamed, Jonathan. 1134 00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:28,760 Show them. 1135 00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:31,120 Yeah. 1136 00:55:36,240 --> 00:55:38,079 Whoa, what the fuck? 1137 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:39,520 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1138 00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:43,999 Yeah, I was-- 1139 00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:45,079 I was born with it. 1140 00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:47,199 It's called, um-- 1141 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,040 It's called scrotumus hiptomums. 1142 00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:55,239 What-- how did that stop you playing? 1143 00:55:55,240 --> 00:55:56,480 That's a great question. 1144 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:00,599 Everything was going great, you know. 1145 00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,799 I kept it sort of hidden until I was about 15 and then-- 1146 00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:05,119 then my balls dropped. 1147 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,319 And it became a problem during lineouts. 1148 00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:12,399 So painful, you know, getting picked up from my waist, 1149 00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,359 like crushing my balls, so yeah. 1150 00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:18,119 Oh, and during scrums, yeah. 1151 00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:19,799 Because the scrums the lads would-- 1152 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:24,879 they'd have their ear pressed against each of my balls. 1153 00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:26,599 Oh, wow. 1154 00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:30,599 I'm not going to lie, it would be hard to go pro with those. 1155 00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,359 You-- you-- you'd be in the showers 1156 00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:33,839 looking like a-- like a sparsely 1157 00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,279 decorated Christmas tree. 1158 00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:37,439 Sorry-- sorry, mate. 1159 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:38,599 Sorry, mate. 1160 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,839 That was above the belt. I respect 1161 00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:42,040 you and your struggle, man. 1162 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:45,639 Is he good, yeah? 1163 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:46,879 Yeah, he's fine. 1164 00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:48,359 All right, well, I'll see you at work, so. 1165 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:49,719 Great to see you, Jason. 1166 00:56:49,720 --> 00:56:50,719 Let yourselves out. 1167 00:56:50,720 --> 00:56:51,719 Bye, Jason, mate. 1168 00:56:51,720 --> 00:56:54,559 See you. 1169 00:56:58,120 --> 00:56:59,999 Oh my God. 1170 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:01,359 Oh. 1171 00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,759 Soph just asked if Jason can have your number. 1172 00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:05,199 Yes! Yes. 1173 00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,199 Well done. 1174 00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:07,679 Oh, my balls. 1175 00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:28,359 Well, my biggest thanks to Wolf Alice, to Chris O'Dowd. 1176 00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,759 Huge thank you to the cast, the writers, 1177 00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,919 everyone working on the show for making such a great week. 1178 00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,199 Good night. 1179 00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,199 Thank you.